


love is not what awaits

by greensweater



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Feels, Bisexual Dean, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant, Castiel/Dean Winchester Drabble(s), Dean Hates Himself, Dean in Denial, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Dean is In Over His Head, Dean-Centric, Drabble, F/M, Ficlet, Frustrated Dean, LITERALLY, M/M, Mild Smut, One Night Stands, POV Dean Winchester, Pining Dean, Sad Dean, Self-Hatred, Sexual Content, Sexual Fantasy, Short One Shot, Unresolved Sexual Tension, a lot of tags, anyway, i can write more if you want me to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 23:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7989337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greensweater/pseuds/greensweater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean tries to satisfy himself with one night stands, but they aren't what he really wants. Or, the one in which a certain angel keeps messing everything up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	love is not what awaits

Dean Winchester loved to fuck. He especially loved to fuck this woman he’d picked up from the bar nearest to the motel he and Sam were staying in. He’d seen her from across the room, all blonde hair and long legs, and thought, _perfect_. Her name was Mellie, or Mollie, or something like that; it didn’t really matter, because Dean wouldn’t be seeing her again. One night stands were his specialty, and he intended to keep it that way, as relationships really didn’t work well with his job. She didn’t know his real name, anyway; he’d told her it was Alex Vincent. He hoped she wouldn’t ask for his number, but if she did, he was prepared to give her the number to one of the many dead cell phones, limp and discarded in the glove compartment of the Impala.

 

“Oh, God,” she gasped, arching her hips into his. “Yes—”

 

She parted her red lips and pulled him down farther.

 

Dean lost himself in the feeling of her tightening around him, of the roll and rock of their bodies together. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see her face when he came.

 

Suddenly, Cas’s face appeared in his mind, his bright blue eyes, bow-shaped lips, messy hair…

 

 _Get out of my head,_ he told Cas firmly, body still going through the motions but mind in an entirely different place. 

 

But Cas just smiled, and oh, Dean wanted to bite those pink lips, to watch those blue eyes glaze over with pleasure as Dean explored every inch of the angel’s body…

 

And with that image in mind, Dean tumbled over the edge, coming undone on top of the nameless, faceless girl.

 

She wanted to him to stay, after the event, wanted to lay there with Alex Vincent until the sun streamed into the room and illuminated their nakedness, but Dean shook his head, putting on his clothes with shaking fingers and striding firmly out of the room, throwing vague apologies back over his shoulder like he’d done so many times before.

 

He blinked at the blinding sunlight as he walked out of the building, breathing in the fresh air that was so different from the stuffy, claustrophobic feel of the skeevy hotel room. 

 

His mind was racing, thoughts in turmoil, as he replayed the scene. He’d thought of… of _Cas_ while with a girl, gotten off to the image of him. It felt dirty, wrong, and he tried to wash his mind clean of it by thinking of his favorite porn star, the soft curves of her, the flutter of her eyelashes and the imagined feeling of her breasts plump in his hands…

 

But it didn’t do anything for him and he was too exhausted to care. She was just a picture in his head, two-dimensional and too perfect to be flesh and blood, more like a paper girl than a real one. She was an object, as terrible as that sounded, but an object that existed for Dean, and others like Dean, to forget himself.

 

His hands clenched and he felt a wave of revulsion rise in his throat, choking him. He forced it down, along with thoughts of blue eyes, bitten lips, and dark hair that sneakily infiltrated his mind.

 

 _Stop_ , he told himself, hating himself, _Stop_. 

 

He kept walking, back to the hotel, and back to the familiar safety of Sam and hunting and cheap beer and his work, leaving thoughts of Cas far behind.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
